I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
3 2 1 whiskey
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
