Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
