last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
