He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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