I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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