Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
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