I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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