Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
