Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
