theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
