I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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