and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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