you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
