is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
