I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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