I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want to make out with him forever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
