dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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