Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
