Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
