Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
