i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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