so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
