Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
