Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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