the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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