Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
