Christians are straight up FREAKS
babies were throwing up all over the place
my sisters under your porch take her home
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
