oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every concussion has its silver lining
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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