its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
