there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
