Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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