even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
