my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
