im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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