Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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