i just wanna soil my oats bro
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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