he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
