Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
