Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
