I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
