i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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