i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That accounts for only three of the penises
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
