We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize