dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
