im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
