I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
