someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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