i barfeds in our rink
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
