Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
