if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's an acceptable place to lick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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