What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
