If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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