you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
