You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
