i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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