ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
