He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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