I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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