I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
