and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
