my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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