the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
