Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
