Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
