His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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