i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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