One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
