Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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