Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
